The Twelve Days of Christmas for Doctors

When I was in school I used to crash and burn at the end of finals, worn out from the all nighters and caffeine binges. Unfortunately for me, my body has trained itself to collapse after finals period to this day, even though I'm no longer a full-time student. So, from my sickbed, this is in honor of the doctors who patch us up and put us back together.  (If anyone has a better rhyme for "four colly birds," I'm open to suggestions--heaving innards was my other choice.)


The Twelve Days of Christmas for Doctors

On the first day of Christmas, my doctor gave to me: a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the second day of Christmas, my doctor gave to me: two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the third day of Christmas my doctor gave to me: three Epi-pens, two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the fourth day of Christmas my doctor gave to me: four ER drunkards, three Epi-pens, two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the fifth day of Christmas my doctor gave to me: five golden slings, four ER drunkards, three Epi-pens, two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the sixth day of Christmas my doctor gave to me: six scales for weighing, five golden slings, four ER drunkards, three Epi-pens, two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the seventh day of Christmas my doctor gave to me: seven pills for slimming, six scales for weighing, five golden slings, four ER drunkards, three Epi-pens, two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the eighth day of Christmas my doctor gave to me: eight pumps for milking, seven pills for slimming, six scales for weighing, five golden slings, four ER drunkards, three Epi-pens, two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the ninth day of Christmas my doctor gave to me: nine tools for lancing, eight pumps for milking, seven pills for slimming, six scales for weighing, five golden slings, four ER drunkards, three Epi-pens, two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the tenth day of Christmas my doctor gave to me: ten screens a-beeping, nine tools for lancing, eight pumps for milking, seven pills for slimming, six scales for weighing, five golden slings, four ER drunkards, three Epi-pens, two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my doctor gave to me: eleven pads for wiping, ten screens a-beeping, nine tools for lancing, eight pumps for milking, seven pills for slimming, six scales for weighing, five golden slings, four ER drunkards, three Epi-pens, two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my doctor gave to me: twelve shots for numbing, eleven pads for wiping, ten screens a-beeping, nine tools for lancing, eight pumps for milking, seven pills for slimming, six scales for weighing, five golden slings, four ER drunkards, three Epi-pens, two rubber gloves, and a bandage for a skinned knee.